Over the past weeks, a couple of my friends have been... how can I say this... complaining about my lateness in answering their calls, texts, whatsapps, IMs, twitter/instagram/facebook updates and pretty much any call of attention ths is controlled by perhaps the most important device in our lives in current times: the cell phone.
Also, what is the deal with people who call you and for whatever possible reason you can't answer your phone, so they get a missed call. So what do they do next? They call you again right away! As in to say, "Hey it's ME calling, PLEASE answer!" Next thing you know, you have like 9 missed calls on your phone!
Seriously, what's the deal with that? Can't people understand that when one cannot answer the phone, it's PROBABLY because one cannot answer the phone at that precise time? The fact that you call me nine or nineteen consecutive times is not going to make me answer the phone, if in fact it's not possible for me to answer the phone.
Anyway, while there may be some true to that sometimes I do not answer within the next five minutes (or seconds), I couldn't help but ask myself the inevitable question:
Am I really not answering as fast as I should, or are my friends falling for the 'Cell Phone Addiction'?
Let's begin by defining this concept.
The 'Cell Phone Addiction' is a phrase I came up with after watching my two friends over the course of five days, throughout various activities (watching movies, playing cards, cooking, taking care of their garden, driving, going grocery shopping), during which at all times, they had immediate response to any contact message recieved by their cell phones. I'm talking about less than ten seconds to any sort of contact (like I said before, call, IM, whatever).
By the way, I had to research before publishing this entry about the phrase 'Cell Phone Addiction', only to discover it is so real that people are actually going to rehab for it, and whether if you call it dependency or full blown addiction, the way people are using phones is taking a psychological toll. (This paragraph is taken from this source http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/cell-phone-addiction-so-real-people-are-going-rehab-it )
If they were watching a movie, they would have their cell phone next to them, in regular volume, meaning not silenced/muted.
If they were playing cards, they would have their cards, and their cell phone next to them, sometimes answering to any contact during their turn, and other times with their cards in one hand and their phone in another.
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| If they were driving, and their phone rang, they would keep driving, pick the phone and answer it. |
...and so on with the other scenarios, including having dinner, waiting for the garbage truck to come, watching a sunrise or a sunset, going to the beach, tanning in the beach, it goes on and on and on and on. Some people go as far as sleeping with their phones next to them and complain if they get a notification in the middle of the night that of course wakes them up. I started looking at the situation, pondering many thoughts into it and tried to come up with somewhat of a reasonable explanation. The only answer I could come up with, comes up from a funny 8th grade anecdote from mid-school.
I'm an atheist, but I was raised a catholic and attended a catholic school. When I was in the eighth grade, puberty was hitting on my friends and on me, while at the same time we were being lectured in catholic education, of all the infinte bad things that could get you into hell, one of them being masturbation. Fortunately, the priests of our school were a bit more current/modern than what old-fashioned catholic priests are, and they treated students with a more leveled approach, than the old "me teacher-you student" approach. So one day, a group of friends who were a bit frightened of going to hell, decided they had to ask the priest if masturbating was bad. Me being an atheist didn't really care, but I hopped on because I wanted to see the answer of the priest.
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| And now... cell phones too |
I specifically remember that when asked the question, he laughed out loud and said something within the lines of:
"Come on! That's ridiculous, masturbating doesn't get you into hell.
and he followed with
"Look boys, some of the stuff that's in the bible isn't meant to be taken literally, as well as some of the stuff that is taught in class."
Which made a lot of sense. What made even more sense, was his next lines:
"Masturbating doesn't get you into hell, because it's a natural thing that comes with our species. It's natural to do it and that's it. Now... if you become addicted to it, then we have a problem. Like, if you're at school and you have to masturbate, or if you're at work and you have to masturbate, or at a line at the market, or in traffic, and so on. But in that case, still the issue is not the act of masturbating per se: it's the fact that you have an addiction, meaning that you are unable to carry on with your day without it"
Fast forward to present day and my friends, and I couldn't help but remember the example the priest gave. After all, it applies perfectly. No matter what activity are they into, or the context they are surrounded by, their cell phones are next to them, and their response time to any beep emmited by the phone is immediate.
Moreover, when engaged in a chat with someone, say via whatsapp, they would complain how that person would take several minutes to respond to a chat, having seen the double blue checkmark.
"He left me double-blue checked! How dare he?"
Other times they would see the pre-message, but not login to whatsapp, on the pretext of
"I can't login, because if I do, people will see I'm online and haven't answered their messages"
When I open my house's door and arrive at home, I have a large couch to my left, in my living room. I normally throw, first my keys and next my cell phone. I do this because I like to wash my hands, wash my face, take off my shoes, get myself into comforable clothes, and so on. I do this because I place more importance in taking care of myself, than taking care of the world (make that, my phone's contact list) which I can do at a later time, preferably, after I have settled myself in my home.
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| Which group do you belong to? |
If I'm at work and I'm doing work-stuff, I'll normally keep focused on my work-stuff. I don't check my phone unless it rings or beeps, and it's a call or an IM, and there are times when I even do not answer, if I'm doing something very important or urgent. Needless to say, I'm referring to non-clients calls/IMs. The reason I do this is quite simple: work pays my bills, answering non-clients calls/IMs won't. If I have nothing to do at work, work is slow, or I am on a break, of course I answer them.
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| Can you go over the hour without checking your phone? |
When I'm driving, well, let me start by saying I do not consider myself a good driver. It's not like I'm fair bumper car, but let's just say I rather pay attention to the road than to my phone. It's as simple as that.
I'm somewhat of a bit competitive person, so when I play cards with my friends, I pay attention to the game, even when it's not my turn. I like to win, therefore my phone is a distraction. Sometimes I even leave my phone in the car. It may be a bit extreme, but I like to keep concentrated.
Now let's talk about the whole WhatsApp's double blue check / online thing.
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| Read ... AND IGNORED !!! IGNORED !!! |
I currently have no blocks or filters on my WhatsApp: anyone can see my last online time, my double blue checks, my picture, and so on. I understand the fact that there are people who deserve or expect an immediate response, but let's face it: how much is the percentage of this group ? My opinion is that the answer to this question depends on two variables:
1. How important is your relation with that person: it can be a client, a close relative or close friend?
2. How much relevance does your answer hold to that person?
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| There are few pleasures a relationship values as sitting on a table to share with the person you enjoy spending time with. And yes, I meantyour partner, not your phone |
The trickiest here is variable #2. The reason why I say this is because after looking at my friends, I have come to the conclussion that a new trend in politeness and manners has started in our society. I call it the 'Manners in chatting' and there are two groups of people in this trend.
Group #1. People who believe manners in chatting are the same as manners when facing someone face-to-face.
Group #2. People -like me- who think these two as not the same.
The implication is: if live conversation and online chatting manners are different, then there has to be some sort of manual of etiquette regarding manners with your cell phone -which there isn't-. How can one act correctly with your contact list if there are no cell phone etiquette rules defined ? Especially when you consider how many tweaks and plugins available out there to break/avoid them, such as the one mentioned:
- Last seen online
- Double blue checkmark.
- Double checkmark
- "Writting..."
- A new plugin for WhatsApp that will show what the person on the other end is writting when the "Writting..." message is being displayed
- Check-in location
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| Great survey analysis |
Regardless of how you view it, or if you identify with group #1 or #2, I believe the Cell Phone Addiction issue is truly real. There is simply no excuse in my mind that can bear anyone going five minutes without checking their phones, especially if it's a non-suitable environment like the ones I exposed earlier. Likewise, the situation applies for your phone beeping/ringing and you picking it up (it's basically the same thing as checking your phone).
Moreover, if you are a cell phone addict, it becomes harmful for your social environment to threaten them expecting them to behave exactly as you. The best thing you can do, is admit you have a problem of depency and expect to spread your problem to your social surrounding. Next comes, working on a solution to get rid of you addiction and enjoy the pleasures of life, the pleasures the world has to offer, away from your phone's social network updates.
Some tips include
1. Monitor your cell phone usage: it may be groundshocking, but when you find out you have been using your phone for more than 50 a day, you may think twice.
2. Create no phone time zones: yes, give yourself a period of time when you simply do not check your phone. Cook, eat your meal, whatever you do, just put it away and let it ring.
3. Turn your phone off when driving: as I said before, safety comes first. Whatever happens when you are behind the wheel, there is little you can do to change it (unless you are a disorganized person who planned accidentally or not, to have a cell phone checkpoint in your car)
4. Find a friend you can talk to who is not a cell phone addict: perhaps that person will have a thing or two to teach you about enjoying things in life that are not cell phone related.
5. Turn your cell off when sleeping: pretty much similar to #3. Of course, some conditions and exceptions apply. Like for instance if you are a father/mother, waiting for your daughter to ring you to inform she arrived safely at her date destination, or if you are waiting for them to get home, that's completely valid. But if your daughter is in another country, there is not much you can do about anything that happens to her and you'll have to live with that. What may happen is that you make bad decisions based on poor judgement, worsening the situation.
6. Think and measure the need to answer: ask yourself questions such as 'do I really need to call/text this person right now?' or 'do I really really need a response from him/her?', 'Is this a life-threatning situation or is a mudane event that can be taken care of later?'
7. Find a hobby: perhaps you are using your phone as a mood baromether, which means you feel better when you have it and when people respond quickly to your texts, and you feel pissed off when you don't have it and people do not answer to you.
8. No devices at meals: period.
9. Don't use your phone as an alarm clock: get an actual alarm clock and leave your phone downstairs.
I think those are good tips.
Lastly, I would like to say, I do not have all answers, and as I stated at the beginning, my responses may be a bit more delayed than normal. I may (and that is a huge may) give you that. The other extreme of not answering your phone at all is not good either. What I will say is that I feel one must learn how to balance and more importantly, manage their relationship with their phone, and more importantly, to let your contact list know of your principles and behavior when it comes to handling your cell phone social life.
H
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